tending

i've been jogging lately.

surprise!

i haven't really liked jogging before.

but, before, it was all about results.

i wasn't jogging fast enough i wasn't working hard enough i wasn't pushing myself

and now, i breathe.

it's not about the distance.

it's not about the pace.

it's not about the speed or the sweat or the stench.

it's for the joy of it.

the stretch.

the use of my body.

one step at a time

i'm relaxing

enjoying

embracing

the fact that i'm alive and i'm me and i'm happy.

i'm practicing happiness when i jog.

i've been struggling with the "choice of unhappiness" lately.

such wonderful things in my life

an aaron

a job

two jobs!

lots of auditions

lots of love

and i still struggle

i still tend to fret

tend to tears

tend to loneliness

i will continue to plant seeds.

i will continue to plant love

to tend and water my garden of life.

i will continue to jog for the joy of it

and not focus on the outcome.

i will tend to the present

tend to the here, the now

tend to the consideration of the ones in my life.

the important part is getting up,

getting out

throwing on my jogging shoes

and enjoying the sunshine.