Ask a Lady: My Best Friend Sucks

okay well like a year ago i went through the hardest part of my life and really, really needed really strong support systems around me. i found them! i had really great family and friends, including my best friend who lives half-way across the country and would check in on me and check in to see how i was doing, and stay updated on what was happening to me.


flashback a year before that, when she came to my graduation and i promised to come to hers.


flashforward to her being there for me, and extending an invitation to come visit her for like, three weeks around christmas time, which i accepted.


so apparently she gets really busy.
and the time for me to make plans about coming to visit happens and i make plans to be there for ten days. and i buy a plane ticket that costs over 300 dollars. and she calls me and is all, umm maybe like seven days. and then calls me again, and says maybe three. then, actually, i think i'm the one doing the calling because she NEVER picks up her phone or calls back and is always busy and always not available, and she ends up telling me that actually she probably won't be able to hang out with me at all when i'm in town because she has things going on and bullsh*t, etc. so i tell her i'm disappointed in her, and i am and just stop talking to her. because, honestly, still recovering kind of and getting my life back on track, i just don't need wishy-washy people in my life.


but now i do not know where to go from here.
she's called me to apologize and i missed the call on accident and listened to the message and didn't hear anything in the message that led me to believe she really had a change of heart. like, she owned up to what she did, but didn't really care.
and i really miss her, really miss my best friend, but.....i just don't need that drama. that childish-ness. who totally blips out on their friends like that?


anyway, her birthday was a little bit ago, and i can't help thinking about her and wondering if i should mend the fences.


thanks for the help


compassion-less

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herrrrrm.

how interesting.

i've got a situation like that on my hands, as well.

you sound like you're kind of okay with the situation, as is.

so let it play out.

if you're thinking about her, let her know, however you see fit, and let that be enough.

you're so far away anyway that maybe this is one of those "growing apart" places in life, and it's not actually going to affect your day to day life, other than making you miss her.

and that's okay.

missing nice people and nice times happen.

but since you can't actually know how she is operating or what she is choosing in her own life

you're basically just missing the good memories you have of her

which could not even be true to who she is as a person now, anyway.

so just let it go.

it'll figure itself out.

sorry about your heartbreak. :(

love,

lady x

Ask a Lady: Panty Problems

Lady X,

COLLEGE graduation is coming up!! It's such an exciting time filled with many emotions! It feels like my high school graduation was just yesterday! Making plans with friends, planning parties, and finding the perfect graduation DRESS!!!

For high school it was a sweet pretty white little number. This time, for college, I wanted to recreate the high school white dress look, but more mature, so I ended up finding a dress at somewhere I wouldn't have anticipated- Vicky's!! (see attached pic) (don't worry- it doesn't look as risqué on me as it does the ooh-la-la Vicky's model!) 

anyways, my dilemma! I'm excited to wear it for graduation, BUT- all my family and boyfriend's family will be there to see me as well, and well, I have.... a MOLE on my gluteus maximus area that can sometimes be seen through the dress if standing at the right angle. I don't want my booty to be the star of my graduation! Please tell me it's still okay to wear the dress! Suggestions? Advice? HELP?! (Keep the giggles and jokes to a minimum please!!! ;) ) 

Love,

Holy mole-y!

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Oh, Moley one.

How old are you and yet you still don't know how to wear underwear properly? Nude underwear goes with everything. I learned this back in high school watching Tyra of America's Next Top Model.
 It's perfect. Use it.

You don't like panty-lines?

Get the no-panty line kind. 

You want a continuous, firm line? Go to Macy's or Dillard's and look at their shape wear.

I'm a curvy lady, and I know a good girdle when I see one. 

TRY A SLIP.

It looks like you haven't really investigated your options for this. 

THEY MAKE WHAT YOU WANT. NOW GO TRY ON UNDERWEAR.

Also,

and the biggest part of this,

if you can see A MOLE on your behind

(which, honestly, at this point, let it show, nobody is looking, and if they are, they like it,)

you can also probably see your lady parts "when standing at the right angle."

If your dress is thin enough that you can see shaded areas of your private parts,

you need to wear underwear.

So, yes, wearing the dress if fine.

 Don't go commando.

Lady X

Ask a Lady: Where should I shop online?

Dear Ask a Lady,

What are your favorite clothing stores to shop in person? What online shopping websites are your go-to's for daily browsing and unique clothing and accessory purchases?

I already peruse Piperlime, ModCloth, Lulu's, and ShopRuche on the regular. What other great stores and online stores can you introduce me to, on the off chance that I actually have the money to update my wardrobe?

Sincerely,

Naked but Hopeful

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Hello, Nudie One,

Meh, here’s the thing about online stores. You have the good ones at your fingertips already….kind of. You need to really just stay on the up and up with what each of these stores has at any given time. Because, one day, you’re gonna say, “HMMMM I need a new black dress,” and if you’ve been on the ball about new products in each of these places, you’re gonna find what you’re looking for (hopefully. My own dress debacle finally ended after an attempted five dresses failed.)

You know what?

 I hate BHLDN, but love Anthropologie (mostly the sale racks.)  

J. Crew and Madewell are pretty expensive but set the standard for women's fashion, right now.

TARGET, OBVIOUSLY.

And Gap, for classic, well-fitting pieces (I waitress. When I found out I needed a white shirt, I shelled out the cash to have one fit just right.)

Heck, I'm not even above an Old Navy run if they have what I'm looking for!

It's all just about knowing what you can get where.

Online: Oasis, Shopbop, The Office (shoes,) Mohawk General Store, Alice and Olivia (even though I DON'T believe in the prices they charge for their clothes,) etc.

If you’re reading this, and I know you are, then you’re probably reading other blogs, too. You’re right on the money to ask your bloggers where they shop, because I’m shopping my favorite reads. So keep shopping, keep gathering info, and the internet is your oyster, should you actually have the money to update your wardrobe. :D

love love.

happy shopping!

Ask a Lady: Camel Toe

Dear Lady,

How do you feel about leggings or tights as pants? And how long do you think this trend is going to stick around, continuing to horrify us on a daily basis?

Love,

Put the Camel to Pasture

_________________________________________

OHMYGOD.

what a complicated question.

OKAY.

Once upon a time, I had a friend who lived in Denver, Colorado, and was the first ever person I ever saw wear leggings as pants.

She was trim, tiny, and could reasonably pull off "the look" without making me want to gag.

BUT.

I remember

that i could not stop staring at her.

SHE WAS IN PUBLIC

IN AN AIRPORT

AND SHE WAS NOT WEARING PANTS.

SHE WAS NOT WEARING PANTS.

It shocked me.

Now, three years later,

the "casual" of our generation has coaxed me into sometimes leaving the house in leggings.

there are two ways to successfully wear leggins as pants, and ONLY two ways:

 1. Exercise.

anyone carring a yoga mat

and wearing leggings at the same time

or running shoes

or sports equipment

are A-OKAY in leggings

because the rest of society can pretend that they're only going to be "pants-less" for an hour or so.

HOWEVER.

if they're normal leggings

and not THICK WORK-OUT LEGGINGS

you need to double up.

put two pairs on.

NOBODY wants to see your underwear when you bend over.

If YOUR "PANTS" are not thick enough, then we will see your unmentionables.



2. Wear a tunic.

Or a giant XL shirt

Or something super long

that makes your leggings not actually pants

but like, mini thigh-covers underneath your "dress."

Here's a handy-dandy guide I found online to help you in your quest to appropriately dress yourself:

and my thoughts, personally?

Friends.

If you're mildly grown-up

i.e. ages 22 on up

You need to make more grown-up fashion choices.

(UGG boots are also out of the question.)

If you're on a road trip,

"leggings" are okay,

but only if you have a gigantic sweatshirt to put over them.

and friend,

the trend will continue so long as women do not invest in full-length mirrors;

if they can't leave the house knowing their camel-toe is on full display,

then leave the house in leggings they will.

god help us all.

love,

the Lady X

Ask a Lady: The Silver Dilemma

SilverFox:  im looking for prom shoes
 since its about a month away, i need to get a gettin 

  what shoes would look good with a silver dress?
  something gold and sparkely?

 me: gosh, everything would look good with a silver dress.
  definitely metallics.
  anything metallic.
  you need to match shine with shine
  after that, the sky's the limit in terms of color.

 SilverFox: shine with shine, got it lol

what do you like, color wise?

 me: blue

 SilverFox: okay :)

 me: but i have a penchant for blue shoes, always.

 SilverFox: ahhahahahaha

me: serious.

all i ever want to do is buy a million blue shoes.
  i can't get enough of them.
  i think blue shoes are the most perfect shoes in the entire world!

 SilverFox: hahahahahaha you crazy!

 me: i know!

i can't help what i love!

___________________________________

update: she bought these. 

Ask a Lady: I Need to Learn to Keep Quiet

Dear Ask a Lady,

I am planning a wonderful surprise day full of fun, adrenaline, adventure and merriment for my husband in honor of his 33rd birthday...in, like, 5 months....and found a great deal on the perfect once-in-a-lifetime thing for him.

I am now seeking a sneaky way to make sure that he keeps that day clear, without ruining the surprise.

You see, I made the rookie mistake of ever-so-breifly mentioning in the passing the surprise in question. He thought it sounded incredible but said we couldn't afford it.

If I simply ask that he set the day aside from work and all other obligations now, he will, undoubtedly, be suspicious and guess exactly what I have planned, or he will insist that I tell him why.

I'm sure he will forget all about it in a few weeks time, but if I wait too long to inquire about him keeping that day clear, then I lose out on making the reservation for it that I need to make, and that could devastate the entire plan.

What should I do? Do you have any sneaky tricks up your sleeve for reserving the day without letting the cat out of the bag? What should I say if he asks why he needs to keep the day clear?

Sincerely,

I Need to Learn to Keep Quiet

 ______________________________________________

Here’s a good idea: Two days before, tell him that you’re pregnant and that you have a doctor’s appointment and that you’re REALLY, REALLY upset and afraid and (maybe sneak a few tears in,) then pull the Wife card and tell him that HE HAS TO BE THERE FOR YOU and he’ll clear his schedule to go to the doctor with you right away, obvs.

Just kidding.
Although I know that would work.

Easy-peasy. J

"I'm sure he will forget all about it in a few weeks time"

Go ahead and make the reservation now.

But don’t tell him till three weeks from now.

It’s so far in advance that he still most likely won’t have anything on his calendar, and you can just pull the “I’ve got a surprise for you!” card to use. He’ll know it’s a surprise, but he won’t know it’s the amazing-full-day-extravaganza, which, by the way—Will you be my wife, too?

Love,

Lady X

Introducing! Ask a Lady: New Job

Hey friends--I have so many conversations with friends where everything loopty-doopty-loops back into everything else.
People are universal.
WOMEN share universal conundrums.

I'm hoping to start airing a LOT of them here, soon,
a place where we can all throw in our two cents and help a Lady out.

so, TODAY
begins our Thursday Ask a Lady!

Hey Lady-- Any chance you could give me a little advice/pep talking for resumes?

I am having trouble getting geared up to redo my resume for some new jobs.

Any advice?

 _____________________________________

you know what? i just re-did my resume, and i did so because i kept thinking, "why isn't anyone paying me what i'm worth?" what am i missing? and then, i decided to make my resume all about the really great things i've done in every job. i started talking about what i actually DO on a day-to-day basis, and it was really such an ego-boost for me.

Once I got started, I just couldn’t stop.

but you see--at ten thousand villages, i had A LOT of responsibility. i really did help train volunteers and develop new processes for the business based on what we needed. and, as a really young girl, i opened and closed that store all by myself. that's pretty great. then, even, here at the IRB i "triaged' calls from medical doctors and research investigators and now i'm a consultant on their work and i train my co-workers in our electronic system.

my advice?

BRAG ABOUT YOURSELF.

just like acting, your resume can be YOU and ALL YOU and does not have to conform. sure, there's a "protocol" for setting up your resume, but it needs to be YOU and YOU and you. actually, look at this: loft resumes

i'm going to submit my resume to them SOON and give it a facelift, becuase i've thought for A LONG TIME that i wanted a prettier resume, and now, people are actually designing them that way.

so do what you want.

who says your day job has to be a shitty one?

make it your SECOND JOB.

as an actor, chances are that you're going to be spending 40 hours a week somewhere for awhile. make that reality tailor to you. it can be flexible, it can be temporary (if you want that,) and honestly, it CAN be amazing. find an AMAZING job. go work in a shop somewhere. maybe walk into stores you like and TALK to the owner, and THEN give your resume. be a shameless advocate for yourself, on paper, and in real-life, and you will make things happen.

but do the breakdown: if you currently need to spend 40 hours a week somewhere--that's FORTY HOURS OF YOUR LIFE you will not get back. don't settle--find a second job, not a "day job," or a "temporary job."

this is your life--do it right!!