Monday, October 31, 2011

Halloween 2011: The Naked Barbie Costume

Two and a half years ago,
I was a 20-yr-old girl, sitting in the living room
of my boyfriend's house, the day after Halloween.
{also -- i'm 23 now, i can't do math?}

That year, I was cast in a show,
had a show on Halloween. 
 so i spent Halloween night wearing a fabulous beaded dress from the 80s
that i pulled from my closet
being nobody in particular
and more particularly, stewing over the fact that my boyfriend
was actually falling in love with the light in another girl's eyes.
(we broke up over it later, when all came to full-fruition.)

and two and a half years ago,
sitting in an ottoman in Lee's house,
i had one of the most brilliant ideas of my life.

for halloween, the next one hopefully,


was going

to be





it was awesome!
i had it all planned out from that very first moment,
a simple costume, really.

nude leotard.
blonde wig.
pink heels.

and then i didn't use it the following year.
and the one after.

i didn't go out for halloween actually,
preferring not to be one of the masses traipsing around a drunken college campus
trying not to share my dislike for the trampy costumes that frequent such a place.

and then, this year, everything changed.

i bought a leotard.
a nude one.

from an excellent little dance store here in Cincinnati, called "Loshin's."

They were VERY excited about my costume, matching me up with appropriate sizes
 (to avoid camel toe,)
and appropriate colors
(to get as close a match as possible to both leotard and tights.)

i borrowed some shoes.
from Genevieve.
who frequents etsy as much as i do.
seriously. she mailed them to me.

these shoes have quite a history!

4 + years ago, Genevieve wore them to St. Anthony's Catholic Church in Wylie, Texas
when we all received a blessing to go off yonder for college.

Genevieve wears a size 10.
I wear a size 8.
They fit me perfectly.

Sooo, in the above photo,
she's basically crammed her foot into a tiny shoe
for an entire morning.

THAT my friends
is dedication to a rad pair of pink shoes.
(which, in actuality, are even MORE amazing, because they actually once belonged to genevieve's mom. shoots, i sure do love histories.)

okay, cool.
so gen heard my pleas and woes on facebook about not being able to track down
a sweet pair of hot pink heels from etsy or the internet
without it costing 15 + dollars (too much)
and totally, absolutely mailed me hers.
even though we haven't seen each other for well, actually, over four years.


thank you, beebs.

and then
 i bought a wig.

i waited too long on the wig, thing, actually.
a month ago, when i had a sunday, i wandered into the recently sprung Halloween Express
and died laughing, trying on wigs and weird, cheap costume pieces.

aaaaand i didn't buy my wig then.
so yesterday, October 30th, when I showed up at Halloween Express again,
thinking i'd have my pick o' the litter when it came to blonde wigs,
i was met with amazed disappointment!

because, in actuality,
all that was left were the ratty ones that everyone had tried on for over a month.


and i absolutely bought one,
took it home, combed the heck out of it,
and set it, so it would wave.

hey, i didn't take make-up for a quarter from kelly yurko at ccm for nothing.


i was ready.

i had a party to go to.

and i assembled.

pin curls.
matching pink lipstick.


and then not spanx because the lines were too obvious.

so. tights.

and wig.


most fun costume, ever.

everyone freaked out.
i looked totally naked, and totally freaky with this blonde wig.
i wore it till i made people uncomfortable, and then i changed. :)

the crowing achievement, the one to put the whole ensemble completely over the top,
came when my now-boyfriend, Said Date, (as mentioned from here, here, here, and here)
pondered how much camouflage he owned...
you he could go as G.I. Joe.

did i mention yet that he rocks?
yeah, i thought so too.

And here's to next year!
for which i already have
another great idea

with one light extinguished,
another illuminates.

all barbie portraits part of "the barbie portrait project"

happy halloween!

go look sass

in your costume.

Saturday, October 29, 2011

pretty, pretty

i like thinking about decorating my very own apartment.
about being able to move into a space
in a city downtown
and slowly, as i can afford it,
start filling it with things that make me happy.

one day i will have my own apartment.
and one day i will find wonderful things like the ones above to fill it with. <3

"sorry 'bout that," i forgot my pants

Friday, October 28, 2011

Thursday, October 27, 2011

lesley gore kills it

lesley gore sings one of my new anthems.
oldies but such goodies.

if i had a magical paycheck

if i had a magical paycheck
that just kept exponentially expanding

i'd certainly own a sexy pair of tall boots.

my favs, a tall, taupe, quietly western pair,
have disappeared off the face of the earth completely.

(these are all from anthro, btw.
easiest way to find something appealing.)

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

aaaand cool

pssst IV: Allyson West, giant FAIL

oh, i was thinking about "Said Date" recently, noticing that I hadn't anything too terribly Eventful to blog, when I realized, actually, that besides movie dates, I had been the one to initiate the last date.

and oh my god, wasn't it a big FAIL on my part.

I invited Said Date over for dinner.
with my "parents."
("parents" only because my birth-parents live in Texas. and these "parents" are undeniably my parents here.)

First things first, Said Date was awesome.
Second things second, my "parents" really like him.
Third things third, I was a FLAMING MESS.

i was so nervous!
i was nervous asking "mom" if he could come over.
i was nervous cleaning and vaccuuming since he was coming over.
i was nervous taking a shower and talking to "mom."

Me: I'm kind of nervous.
Elizabeth: Why?
Me: I don't know! I just am!
Elizabeth: Are you nervous we won't like him?
Me: No, I know you will. He's great.
Elizabeth: Are you nervous he won't like us?
Me: No, I know he will. You guys are great.
Elizabeth: So what are you nervous about?
Me: I guess I'm nervous I'm going to do something stupid! Or say something stupid!
Elizabeth: Allyson, you say stupid things all the time. We all know this already.

Actually, the dinner was great. Elizabeth was smart enough to send me out for half and half so she could make biscuits to disperse some of my psychotic nervous energy, and she ended up making absolutely delicious biscuits and vegetable soup. Said Date was amazing, as always, and the evening was pretty chill, with everyone poking fun at me occasionally for being a flaming mess.

Me: I'm so nervous!
Said Date: Why?
Me: Just because!
Said Date: (to "parents") Are you guys nervous?
Parents: No.
Said Date: Well, I'm not nervous. Apparently you're the only one. :)

Guys. People judge me by my choices.
I've seriously FAILED BIG TIME with past boyfriends,
and this is one worth not failing with.
Wouldn't you be nervous if you suddenly realized you've got a gem on your hands?
Ohhh, snap. I was.

of course, if you want to read about past dates with "Said Date,"
you can do so.
date 1     date 2    date 3

these boots are made for walkin

okay, here we go.

i've been talking often about women's sexuality, and the evolutions we, as women, go through (as individuals and a whole) in our lives.

i mean, i haven't posted too much about it, but you can find a previous foray here.

now, watch this video.
it's really amazing.

and actually, regardless of the decade, it's unbelievably sexy.

look at all those legs!
look at nancy sinatra's eyes!
look at all the fun.
fun is sexy.

and most importantly, look at how subtle it is.

all the women look healthy.
all the women look ridiculously sexy.
and also, none of them look trampy.

now take a look at this video.
it's jessica simpson's 2005 remake of "these boots are made for walkin'"
after seeing the original above (as per your homework assignment, young obi-wans)
it is unbelievably horrifying.

apparently, "sexy" between these two videos has evolved from
a righteous woman piecing together her decision to end a relationship
an undeniably trampy woman making zero decisions except to slut it up in a bar and "coyly" smile when she gets to punch someone for smacking her ass. apparently, abuse gets her off.

oh, and also, she doesn't know how to use her mouth properly.
just watch.
watch her lips.
normal functioning does not apply.
 but hey! the video's not really about her lips, anyway.
 it's about her ass. and her stomach. and the fact
that she kind of wants someone to do her now.

and willie nelson shaking his head and quietly crying that his granddaughter has chosen a career as a bar stripper with no skills
(come on, she's obviously not balancing that beer bottle on the tray.)

Even Willie Nelson knows the way in which women
have butchered their own sexuality within the past decades.

interesting, no?

my friends. my dears. my younger sisters of the world. i encourage you to think about what you want as you explore your growth and sexuality as people. find yourself as a human being before you recognize yourself as a woman.
just take your time, take your thoughts, and please, please, please, please, please
know that your sexuality does not come from a fully-fleshed stereotype at all;
You are sexy when you have found and achieved your peaceful confidence.

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

oh, sweet jesus

don't i just freaking love these so much.

journals, and paper, and cardstock, oh my!

if i had ten extra dollars
if i was walking down the street
or putting my hand into a forgotten pocket
or pulling treasures out of the laundry

and found an extra ten dollars,

i would spend it
on paper. <3

preferably cardstock
probably blank, bold colors
covered entirely with potential

right now, i am dreaming of browsing a paper store.
the end product is certainly not required

only the tools
to let my imagination loosed.

if your name is Sarah Barner, do not read this post

Dear Sarah Barner,

First of all, stop reading this post. What are you doing here? Did you not just read the title?
I just figured out what I'm making for your wedding, and if you continue to read this, you're going to spoil the surprise.
So, stop.
Seriously, cut it out.
What do you mean, "why did you post it online if you didn't want me to read it?"
Seriously? Because it's awesome, that's why.

So, here it is, and it rocks:

A map.

Ta da!

A map!

I'm getting you a map. and happy, little map flags (i'll seriously make my own if i can't freaking find adorable map flags for you.) and a really great marker. and i'm going to mount it on foam board and frame it. and when beautiful, wonderful, amazing things happen in the future of your life, the future of your life with your soon-to-be husband, you can map them. First Home. There's a map flag for that. First child. There's a map flag for that. Heck, even your Honeymoon! Map it. 

Sarah, my love, my friend, my dear, your life is a history waiting to happen. 

I love you.

idea heavily borrowed from oh happy day
thank you for consistently being brilliant

Monday, October 24, 2011


the bread phase

my grandma makes bread.
*made* bread.

christmases, visits, just because
she made bread.

 and it was so, so good.
and so, so impressive.
shazaaam! bread!

i'm obsessed with baking bread.
have been, for years.

i devour baking books on bread.
spend all my time in barnes and noble reading the bread cookbooks.

but i never have.
not yet.
granted, i'm just now growing capable.
i'm out of school. thinking ahead of having an apartment in a city, somewhere.
and luckily, happily, the bread phase of my life will commence.
"bread phase"
the time when all my friends will remember gaining at least three pounds. :)
bread phase only lasts for so long.
after the initial phase, like all "phases," it then becomes a standard facet of my life;
one, i must say, that will be a valued skill i carry forward.