Friday, November 4, 2011

i completely forgot about this guy

marriage proposals are a common thing for me.

as a very young woman working in the Dairy Queen in texas, the old cowboys came in and sucked their cigarettes and told me that i was an excellent woman. then they blew me kisses and asked for more coffee and told me they were all going to marry me.

my car slides backwards into a ditch, last in Texas, and the mid-forty year old man helping me  held my outstretched hand a little bit too long and asked if i was a married woman and then creeped by my window and kept asking me questions about where i live, where i go to church, where i was heading now.

my brother graduates from marine boot camp and immediately gets on facebook with his friends. he shows them my photos, and they cry for my number.
and like an excellent idiot brother, he gives it out.
marriage proposals are left all over my voicemail.

more boys in hawaii
and a really old man who followed me at work and asked me to move away with him
in bars
and in libraries
and surprisingly, more than one on a beach.
look in my eyes
and find something they like
and skip the formalities,
jumping right to lifetime commitments.

the best one.
^this guy. in these photos.
Who i completely forgot about, until someone commented on a photo of mine on facebook from the time i lived and played in hawaii, and then i absolutely remembered.

I was on a beach. by myself, reading.
Edmund was on the beach, with his friends, wasted off his ass.

he fell in love with me.
begged me to marry him.
began to cry when i said no.
big tears sliding down his face, his lips puckered up (as he also tried to kiss me.)
kept holding my hand and pulling me towards his family (assumably to show off his new bride.)

he's from the phillipines. told me that he's an exceptional swimmer. was willing to dive off into the deep blue to prove it.
he told me he loved me. and that i needed to go back to his home and be his "phillipine bride."

and then he asked me to take all these photos of him.
which, obviously, i was thrilled to do.
this is not an everyday opportunity, my friends, not by any means. :)

and when he got a very aggressive and pouty and crybaby and whiny,
i packed up my books, my towel, my sunglasses, my sunscreen
and told him adios.


  1. this post is so great. I hope he found a lady to love him forever.

  2. He requested multiple times to take me to the Phillipines. I hope he didn't have to abduct a lady to get one to love him forever. :)