go left!

so things be crazy!

life!

life is bizarre!

remember this post about seeing what is right in front of me?

this poster

reminds me of it

in a very nice way.

thank you, poster, you have managed to sum it up quite nicely.

people are different

i grew up in a house full of laughter.

a house full of sunshine

and a house full of connection.

every morning

all my brothers and sisters and my parents and I

would branch off into our days.

we'd go to school

we'd go to college class

we'd go to rehearsal or practice or tutoring sessions.

someone would take the little one to the baby sitter

and someone was already gone for hours at work.

we lived our lives.

every day

everyone collected back at home.

one by one by one by one

we'd walk in the door

find someone else

say hello

catch up

and then continue on.

CONNECTION came first.

"hello! i'm home!"

"okay! how was your day?"

good/bad/awesome/okay

my coach/teacher/professor/boss was in a good/bad/awesome/okay mood.

we connected.

and then split off again.

after the hello

after the "i see you, i love you, you are important to me,"

we would go to our rooms, the shower, outside, the living room, wherever.

and life continued.

this is what i'm used to.

this is what i love.

this is what's different.

betsey johnson

i love betsey johnson.

i love what she stands for.

but i don't think her dresses are worth over 400 dollars.

srsly. hands down.

HOWEVER.

if i was to find an amazing betsey on ebay for my teen sisters to wear for prom,

that might totally be more than okay.

next big thang

i am searching.

i am searching for challenge

for accomplishment

for my Next Big Thang.

Where is it?

What is it?

What am I ignoring?

I believe life hands me what I need, when I need it.

If it did not, I would not be living.

So what am I not seeing?

What am I blindly turning my eye from?

Why am I here, and what am I trying to learn?

Focus.

Focus.

Focus.

I want to grow.

I want to stretch myself.

I want to become a better woman, a stronger person.

I am looking to teach myself, to strengthen myself.

I have exhausted this level

and am looking for the next stage.

I've had enough so-so for the rest of my life.

VROOM

(is the sound of my engines revving.)



tending

i've been jogging lately.

surprise!

i haven't really liked jogging before.

but, before, it was all about results.

i wasn't jogging fast enough i wasn't working hard enough i wasn't pushing myself

and now, i breathe.

it's not about the distance.

it's not about the pace.

it's not about the speed or the sweat or the stench.

it's for the joy of it.

the stretch.

the use of my body.

one step at a time

i'm relaxing

enjoying

embracing

the fact that i'm alive and i'm me and i'm happy.

i'm practicing happiness when i jog.

i've been struggling with the "choice of unhappiness" lately.

such wonderful things in my life

an aaron

a job

two jobs!

lots of auditions

lots of love

and i still struggle

i still tend to fret

tend to tears

tend to loneliness

i will continue to plant seeds.

i will continue to plant love

to tend and water my garden of life.

i will continue to jog for the joy of it

and not focus on the outcome.

i will tend to the present

tend to the here, the now

tend to the consideration of the ones in my life.

the important part is getting up,

getting out

throwing on my jogging shoes

and enjoying the sunshine.

happy birthday allyson west!

one step up

to the life i want to lead.

hello!

have you ever had goals and dreams and ideas of your life?

do you dream of the person you want to be?

I. DO.

and i work every day to make my dreams my reality.

there is no excuse for me not to be who i want to be.

there is no excuse for me not to achieve what i want to achieve.

"norma jean's gone

she's moving on!"

hello, i'm allyson west.

photo tech

oh so here's a good story.

a couple of days ago i needed to print out head shots.

i was freaking out.

i needed to do them by friday and i HAD ZERO TIME.

but then time opened up

and at the end of a very long, very busy day

i dragged my heels to Walgreens to use their fancy new computers and get these babies printed off.

the photo tech guy had blonde hair and ear piercings and tattoos (things that earn "first dates" extra points on my "First Date Rubric.")

and he was nice.

he asked if i needed help,

i said nope

and submitted my order.

he liked my pink boots.

he said.

and my wild red hair.

he said.

i was very pretty,

he said.

and i thanked him.

my pics came out

and they were messed up.

my head was cut off!

so we had to do them again.

he pulled my info up on the computer

by my phone number

and re-submitted the order.

i always wait for the photos

because it's soooo much easier than making time to go back to pick them up.

you'd think this would be simple, right?!

twenty minutes to fill.

so we chatted.

how are you?

what do you do?

things things things

i learned a lot about him.

he works at walgreens

doesn't get paid enough for what he does

so has recently got an apprenticeship with an AC company.

he has 3/4 of his degree

and is really upset about the fact that his choice to "leave college" sounds a lot like "dropping out."

his favorite color is green

he has three dogs

and he likes one particular old lady at walgreens' the best.

why do you ask me theses things? he questioned.

because i like talking to you, i said.

easy.

peasy.

my photos came out

they were pretty close to perfect

(even though he forgot to print off one set of my pics but i had already spent so much time there that i was just ready to get home and didn't tell him.)

he gave me a huge discount.

so i went from paying 60 bucks to 20 (THANK GOD.)

and i left.

nearly an hour later

i check my phone:

i immediately respond with a hello.

and an "i have a boyfriend and we're very happy,"

and then i laugh and laugh and laugh and look over and tell aaron.

he doesn't get upset

but i still like to tell him.

my heart is an open book

and i have a habit of reading it aloud. 

hilarious way to pass a boring friday

here we go!

my brain is only half-way working.

i'm putting make-up on.

aaron is somewhere putzing around for his morning.

it's 6:15 am.

he's eating breakfast.

i'm cutting strawberries.

i'm pouring milk

he's getting his lunch ready.

there's five dishes in the sink.

one cutting board.

three knives.

one bowl.

aaron reaches in

grabs the bowl

opens the dishwasher

and puts it in.

he closes the dishwasher.

walks away.

i start to laugh.

"what's so funny?" he asks.

nothing i say.

"what is it?"

he probes.

"well."

i begin.

"there's five dishes in the sink and you just put only one of them away."

so?

he says.

you didn't need to pre-wash those anyway

(never mind the fact that he used two of the knives and left them on the counter when finished.)

"if i put them all in"

aaron continues

"then my hands get wet."

"then you wipe them off with a towel as you walk away,"

i say.

"if i was you, i would've put them all away at once."

"ohhhh," he says.

aaron hugs me.

he doesn't want to crab.

i get crabby about chores. :)

i say

"it's not about my dishes or your dishes.

it's about getting the job done.

putting one dish away

when there are five that need to go in

doesn't get the job done."

------------------------

Aaron and I are learning how to live with each other. 

I'm kind of nervous.

"What if it doesn't work out?" I ask him.

"Then, no big deal," he says.

"You can leave right away to New York."

I like that he's so matter-of-fact about it. 

Gives me proof I'm in love with a sentient human being, 

a person that makes choices and chooses to be nice to me. 

R-E-S-P-E-C-T.

I'm not officially moved in yet.

but it's happening. 

and it's kind of AWESOME.

it's quietly perfect

in that 

aaron and i are both busy all the time.

i'm gone all day working

and gone most evenings and weekends, waitressing.

aaron's at the theatre all the time

and so the days are just flying.

i keep saying that all of a sudden i'm going to be out of my apartment and in with him

all in the blink of an eye.

we're preparing for it.

we've begun talking about writing the equivalent of a pre-nup/lease type of thing

something to provide structure

as we navigate forward into what it means to live with someone.

we're discussing which furniture to keep

and which furniture to pitch.

where to move things

where to put my clothes. :)

finances, romances, bills, love, and dishes in the sink.

here we go!

i'm all about a good summer shoe

TIME STANDS STILL: the play i'm not going to review

CUPCAKES DON'T HAVE TO BE PRETTY TO TASTE AMAZING

so

i'm an actor

i.e. "self-employed."

and when you're self-employed

you pay yourself

on pay day

for the things that you do

at your job.

like,

auditions.

in an actor's world

pay day = audition day

especially because of all the effort and time spent.

I will

wake up early

dress appropriately for work AND the audition, or dress appropriately for work AND BRING another set of clothes for the audition

carry make-up with me

print off sides

read them

memorize them

leave my day job

drive to my agency

wait

wait

wait my turn

audition (takes maybe three or four minutes)

drive back across town to return to work

THAT'S A LOT OF WORK

for an audition

(obvs worth it, duh.)

so today when i found an audition in my inbox

i did all that in the space of about three hours

and then paid myself $2.75 in the form of a cupcake from 

Abby Girls Sweets.

Remember when I talked about the beautiful disgusting cupcake from TOB?

(also that one cost 3.50 ugh and this one was 2.75 of heaven.)

this was a plain

AMAZING TASTING CUPCAKE

i wanted to buy twelve more of them

and eat them all for lunch

(i didn't.)

all i had was plain vanilla bean!

and i'm so happy with it!

so

good cupcakes

the best cupcakes

are the subtle ones

hiding in plain disguise.

eat those babies up.

hello! love these

fabulosity

the fabulosity of this platform wedge cannot be denied.

way to go, target!

i'm mildly browsing for a new pair of shoes.

the two pairs of flats i wore all summer/fall/winter are basically completely pretty dead

to the point that they are killing my feet.

killing them.

fancy shoes are not an option.

fancy shoes = $$$

but i did a happy browse through target this past weekend

and bless my soul if they aren't hitting the mark on design and trend this season.

yeah target!

go target!

blue shoes are the most perfect shoes ever made in all of existence.

fact.