i don't know why, but i think he loves me.

i have an affinity for that cat blanket above.

my aunt made it

my "sassy cat" blanket

because one of those cats is wearing sassy sunglasses.

hello! only sassy cats wear sunglasses! obviously!

so i love this blanket

i don't why

but probably

because my Favorite Aunt Lori made it for me

and i just love having a blanket that is mine that is perfect and I can cuddle in it.

so last night

in my sleepy stupor

as it's 12:30 am and i've worked 15 hours for the third day in a row (woo! second wind!)

i'm drifting off to sleep

and my mind wants a cuddle

and i remember mumbling, "i wish i had my sassy cat blanket..."

and honestly, it wouldn't have been too hard, it was like, twenty feet away in the next room

but i was tired and "out of it" and nothing was gonna get me out of bed once my legs turned off.

so i pass out.

and this morning i wake up!

(thank God)

and i realize very quickly that i'm cuddled

and wrapped

in my sassy cat blanket

and my feet got perched up on the couch pillows i've been using to rejuvenate them after a long day of working

and also did i mention that aaron went to whole foods and got me jeni's splendid ice cream in buckeye flavor which is SUPREMELY better than that graeter's crap Ohio tries to pass off as delicious?

yeah

i think he loves me

but i don't know why.

well, i love you too, aaron!

here we go!

my brain is only half-way working.

i'm putting make-up on.

aaron is somewhere putzing around for his morning.

it's 6:15 am.

he's eating breakfast.

i'm cutting strawberries.

i'm pouring milk

he's getting his lunch ready.

there's five dishes in the sink.

one cutting board.

three knives.

one bowl.

aaron reaches in

grabs the bowl

opens the dishwasher

and puts it in.

he closes the dishwasher.

walks away.

i start to laugh.

"what's so funny?" he asks.

nothing i say.

"what is it?"

he probes.

"well."

i begin.

"there's five dishes in the sink and you just put only one of them away."

so?

he says.

you didn't need to pre-wash those anyway

(never mind the fact that he used two of the knives and left them on the counter when finished.)

"if i put them all in"

aaron continues

"then my hands get wet."

"then you wipe them off with a towel as you walk away,"

i say.

"if i was you, i would've put them all away at once."

"ohhhh," he says.

aaron hugs me.

he doesn't want to crab.

i get crabby about chores. :)

i say

"it's not about my dishes or your dishes.

it's about getting the job done.

putting one dish away

when there are five that need to go in

doesn't get the job done."

------------------------

Aaron and I are learning how to live with each other. 

I'm kind of nervous.

"What if it doesn't work out?" I ask him.

"Then, no big deal," he says.

"You can leave right away to New York."

I like that he's so matter-of-fact about it. 

Gives me proof I'm in love with a sentient human being, 

a person that makes choices and chooses to be nice to me. 

R-E-S-P-E-C-T.

I'm not officially moved in yet.

but it's happening. 

and it's kind of AWESOME.

it's quietly perfect

in that 

aaron and i are both busy all the time.

i'm gone all day working

and gone most evenings and weekends, waitressing.

aaron's at the theatre all the time

and so the days are just flying.

i keep saying that all of a sudden i'm going to be out of my apartment and in with him

all in the blink of an eye.

we're preparing for it.

we've begun talking about writing the equivalent of a pre-nup/lease type of thing

something to provide structure

as we navigate forward into what it means to live with someone.

we're discussing which furniture to keep

and which furniture to pitch.

where to move things

where to put my clothes. :)

finances, romances, bills, love, and dishes in the sink.

here we go!

a tavola

a tavola

we went there

for a date

that was mostly a thank you

because i threw up all saturday night

and aaron made sure i didn't drown or wash in my own bile.

"it's proof i love you," he says.

"i could have just let you lie there and die."

so apparently not letting me die = incomparable love

now you know.

ANyway, i was beyond grateful.

and beyond grateful means something nice.

i took him out.

and for MONTHS aaron has been trying to go to a tavola

which for some reason or another,

has never worked out.

well, it was a wednesday.

tonight was the night.

and we never go out, never.

so i showered

and curled my hair

and put on what little bit of my Good Make-Up I actually have left (that shiz is expensive!)

and wore heels

and met aaron for dinner.

here's what i have to say about a tavola, and i wish it wasn't so persnickety:

the tables are too big.

seriously.

i sat a grand canyon across from my boyfriend.

that's not fun!

look, a lady that's pretty and out on a date and wanting a little TLC

wants to be able to sidle up next to a date, right?

she wants yon date to look in her eyes and tell her she's gorgeous and for their feet to touch comfortably while they bask in the glory of oven baked pizza.

which, by the way, is AMAZINGLY GOOD.

yeah, their pizza is pretty darn tasty.

we had the artichoke, bacon on half (aaron's half,)

and a follow-up of salted caramel ice cream.

hello! that's the way to do it right! 

and it was ttttttaaaasssstttttty

and fresh

and a little bit grilled in the good way

that makes you think of your mom making pancakes in a cast-iron skillet

very yum.

so that was all good.

and the decor is cool.

sleek, sophisticated, modern.

our table was beautiful, i kept wanting to touch it and love it and feel how smooth it was

but aaron was soo far away from me

that the very long table just didn't contribute to a cozy time.

i would have had to work very hard to lean across the table to connect with him

and jesus christ i'd look like an idiot doing that.

easily, i could have moved my chair to the side, caddy-cornering with aaron

but sheesh, i was all self-conscious and didn't.

i should have.

maybe i will next time.

all in all, a tavola is tasty tasty, but not my favorite restaurant of all time in cincinnati.

i'm really in love with taste of belgium

but i've only been for lunch

and you all know i love lunch more than i love my birthday

weeeeeellll, maybe not that much.

but a lot.

A LOT.

brothers and honkytonks

so aaron met my brothers.

this is that story.

turns out, aaron and i drove fourteen hours through the night

down to texas

to meet my family

him, for the first time,

on the celebration of my twin sisters' 18th birthday

in a texas dancehall honkytonk

southern junction

(the website calls it a "nightclub" and "steakhouse." ssssuuuuuuuuure)

sounds like a movie, right?

YEAH, you are telling me.

here's the thing about me.

i

love

to

dance.

if YOU

and YOU DOESN'T MATTER

if YOU DANCE WITH ME

i will fall in love with you.

end of story.

i.

love.

to.

dance.

turns out my family ARE dancing fools.

which is not a surprise, seeing as my parents met in a dance clas 27 years ago.

well, i'm not that great of a dancer.

i mean, i get it, i can learn,

but nobody has ever taken me in their arms and swung me around often enough

for me to really internalize the rythym and flow of dancing.

while i spent four years acting and moving and vocalizing in college

my brothers spent four + years drinking beer and

country/western dancing and studying a little bit, in college

they obviously have the upper hand.

turns out,

this brother,

is a PHENOMENAL DANCER.

mainly, because he's a big guy.

tim LOVES TO THROW HIS BIGNESS AROUND.

we all somewhat love it.

he's huge.

he's a recent marine.

and he's starting to be a pretty cool guy.

he's also a PHENOMENAL DANCER.

i danced with him ONCE.

"just hold onto my hands," he said.

and then he threw me ALL OVER THE DANCE FLOOR

and it looked like i was an EXPERT.

no mind that i was sweaty and dripping and my hands were slipping

no mind my boots were a size too big.

no mind.

when we finished dancing,

I WAS ON FIRE

because tim is a PHENOMENAL DANCER.

always dance with tim.

my new advice.

always dance with tim.

aaron and tim had a rough start

mostly

because tim is a big butthead.

but aaron's a good guy

and softened him out

and they worked their way through it in the end.

this brother

jared

told me that he's a pretty poor dancer

which, of course,

is debatable,

given the fact that he's telling me to not pick my feet up and shuffle around and then freaking out because his sisters have boobs and eeeeeewwwwwww.

jared is sweet as pie, though.

dancing with him is sweet as stars.

he loves being nice

and he's chill as can be.

dancing with jared is a shuffle of toes and knees

but worth it every moment of the day.

jared's the nicest one, probably. :)

duane's pretty nice, too.

but jared offered his hand, meeting aaron,

and asked a lot of questions.

inclusive.

IMPORTANT TO NOTE

jared is tim's ringmaster

tim does/says something dumb

and jared reigns him in

such an important dynamic. :P



this brother

chester

LOVES TO LEARN.

dancing with him is like dancing with a ten year old.

obviously.

chester and i took dance lessons together.

his head is near my boobs

and we're cantering and careening around the dance floor

step step slide

step step slide

turn

and

step step slide

he's the BEST!

such light and magic and sparkle in his eyes

he experiences the world

is responsible for learning

he proved to be a very good dance partner

and a very good buddy for all involved.

i love chester! he's always up for hanging out.

the whole trip he did all kinds of things with us!

he went to paciugo and mckinney

to the gaylord texan

made gingerbread houses

went gun shooting

EVERYTHING!

chester is le cool.

moments we click

Click.

Click.

Aaron: Quit being a retard.

Click.

Me: But I'm so good at it, Aaron.

the bookshelf

i'm slowly and continuously re-arranging, arranging, re-arranging, imagining in my apartment.

and i needed a bookshelf.

"don't buy that!" aaron cried.

"i could make that for you in an hour and a half!"

so he did.

and i fell in love with him forever.

texas: gun date?

so the texas stories just keep coming!

mainly because i forget that i have not told you any!

oh my gosh, so much happens in a life!

okay, so my family likes to shoot guns.

my dad, my bros, my boyfriend.

they all like guns.

AND they all shoot them safely.

i, however, have not really shot guns A LOT.

i have, some, and i have a gun, but when people start asking me questions about it, all i can say is "i got it when i was young and it goes bang *kick.*"

i just don't shoot that often.

but aaron shoots,

and my fam shoots,

so when aaron was visiting my fam with me,

it only made sense that we would all go out together.

and, also, honestly, i never go gun shooting.

but i like aaron so much!

that i went when he asked if i would come, because he thought it would be a lot of fun.

also--you'll notice that even though my little sister took A LOT of photos of us shooting,

there were only a select TWO that made it to a facebook-tag, mainly because aaron also proves to be a very effective decoy for what i like to call booty-call photos.

like this one, obvs.

see.

junk in da trunk.

there's a reason that photo is small.

ANYWAY.

we went gun shooting.

it was cloudy and we shot pumpkins and aaron taught me thinks about handguns

and i shot at least three or four different guns.

and i still do not like them that much

because i still don't actually really understand something that powerful in the way i would want to before i felt comfortable with it.

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

of course you do, it's a gun, gosh darnit.

p.s. i like that we accidentally match all the time.

like. aaron's hat is green. my sweater is green.

aaron's jacket is orange. those silly sunglasses are orange.

ya know.

ROAAAARR

so aaron has a dinosaur scarf that he wears everywhere.

his mom made it.

it's awesome.

see? i told you?

everywhere.

those photos are at least a year apart.

you'll notice, also, that my head is exceptionally bare in the second photo, the immediate above.

but

NOT ANY LONGER.

because i now have a matching dinosaur hat.

his mom made it. <3

which, of course, leads me to making matching dinosaur noises.

which, obviously, go very well with the matching monster (or perhaps, dinosaur?) feet.

ye olde front porch steps

We take family portraits every year on Christmas.

and i love it.

we all pile onto our porch steps

and start goofing around.

last year, i wore a cat hat

and someone is always making faces or grabbing private parts or sticking feet in someone else's face.

and then mom does a great job of taking "couple photos."

duane and his wife.

jared and cara.

and this year, me and aaron.

of course the sibs in the background always have a lovely time with Couple Photos.

as documented here, obvs, when chester and stephanie stole a little face-time in the back of my adorable pic with aaron.

tango bots

tango bots

so here's a good story.

once upon a time, i was hanging out with a boy named aaron clements and it was kind of fun.

we talked about everything.
i mean, EVERYTHING.
i just did not have time to not be open and honest and curious all the time
so i asked aaron all kinds of questions
and he always answered me right back.

so we took walks and hung out and sat in bars and guessed things about people there.

we started laughing together,
and we started relaxing, together.
i began sharing.

one night we were going to hang out
but i had to walk a dog
so aaron asked to come along and i went to pick him up at his house.

i had never been there before!
and he had just redone his kitchen.

he opened the door, i turned the corner,
and
BAM!
i was in a beautiful kitchen.

the floor was gorgeous.
all oak colored and pretty.

and
BAM!
i couldn't resist,
i laid down on it.

it was luxurious.

aaron stood at the door and we chatted for awhile.
after about thirty seconds, i begged him to lay down on it too, it was just too amazing not to share.

and he did.

he laid down on one part.

and i stay down on another.

pretty far away from each other.

and we chatted.
some more.
just chatted.

and i don't know what did it
but i rolled over to him.
rolled over, curled up
a secure, small cuddling

he petted my hair
and we held awhile

then he suggested we go,
and we did.

months later,
as we dance and read and cook and prank and snort with laughter
in that kitchen
i'm so happy we've ended up here

i found this print a couple of weeks ago
and it made me so happy!
aaron and i have a thing with dancing
and then, again, when he replaced all our body parts with metal.

Ten Things to do in Texas

Things I want to do in Texas

1. Drink mimosas and Shiner Christmas Cheer every day. Not together, mind you, and mostly because a) i love champagne, and b) Shiner in texas is better than Shiner anywhere else.

Nothing says "I'M ON VACATION" like a morning full of champagne.

2. Make loads of Christmas treats with Chester and make a fancypants dessert table for my family to lose their minds over. "WHAT IS THIS CLASSINESS?!"

3. Make Gingerbread houses. Family tradition. Coincidentally, also get sick on candy and start fighting with everyone because gingerbread houses take focheva to make and we all get grumpy and upset and then the houses fall apart anyway. Gingerbread slums.

4. Go to historic downtown Mckinney, Texas to visit the magic shop, the cowboy boot shop, the Loco Cowpoke, and Mom and Popcorn.

5. Maybe go see a movie with the fam, or all go to JumpCity (only 8 bucks!), or maybe I can get everyone to put on a no-talent show....

6. VISIT MY FRIENDS and VISIT WITH MY FAMILY.

7. Celebrate Bday style with the Twins. They're having their 18th birthday party at Southern Junction the day I get into town. aaaawwwweeesssooooommmmmee

The website calls it a "night club and steak house," which, honestly, it is neither. It's a honky tonk dance hall, and that is all. :D

8. Nothing.

It's Farmersville, what do you expect?

9. Sing country music VERY loudly and just watch Aaron suffer. Muahahaha. You can't escape it in Texas. You're welcome.

10. Eat donuts with the fam. They're better here.

mattress firm is more fun than playgrounds

aaron and i went to mattress firm this weekend

because he needs a new mattress

and has a friend who can get him a sweet deal.

i don't think i've ever had a more fun time in a store.

all the power in mattress firm was out.

meaning.

no flurescent lights

no annoying music

and actually, not a lot of people

it was very cool.

the saleslady was super helpful, colleen, and she followed us around giving information and putting up with my antics, which included asking how heavier people tend to like their mattresses, asking about mattress firm theft, and choking on my spit quite loudly.

she suggested that anyone trying out a mattress lay on it the way they lay on them at home

so aaron laid down

and i dog-piled on top of him

and that was pretty much accurate.

turns out, mattress firm is wayy more fun as an adult,

even sans jumping from bed to bed like one might and probably would still do in a hotel room.

whoda thunk?

hint hint take me on a date cough cough

jeni's splendid ice creams

cooking in the kitchen

i have not ever been a good cook.

growing up in a family of eight

our food was about quantity and time

zapping anything as fast as possible to get it on the table and into the mouths of ye hungry babes

i'm missing a link between

cooking and taste

sure, i can follow directions.

i can make up a recipe

and make something chewable happen

but i'm just as likely to

undercook

overcook

or just basically miss being able to tell when something is not right and what would make that something taste better.

but i'm here to change that.

i'm a big believer in New Years.'

Yes, there does not have to be a set day or time to turn over a new leaf

and if you were going to do it,

then doing it NOW as opposed to waiting a whole year for a specific day

is probably the best way of going about it.

but if the opportunity presents itself

as it does every January 31st

and if he opportunity presents itself

in the form of a giant, beautiful holiday

that one likes to get dressed up on and celebrate

then why not carpe the hell out of this diem

and go for it?

right?

so i've been thinking about my New Years' Resolutions

which is turning into more of a New Years' To-Do List

(which i love. the more tangible my resolutions, the better.)

and one of them is to learn to make all my favorite foods.

this will keep me in the kitchen.

aaron wants to help me with this

which basically means that he eats everything that i cook :)

and i'm okay with that.

because i do not like wasting food

and i like being a capable, young adult teaching myself how to do the things i've always wanted to be a person who does.

so we began our foray into New Years' Resolutions

last Sunday

when i wanted to make mac n cheese

and aaron had a "best mac n cheese EVAR" recipe magnet-ed to his refrigidaire. :)

it went something like this:

cook some noodles.

boil some milk, flour, and butter together.

let it thicken enough to coat a spoon

add cheddar cheese, gruyere cheese

salt, pepper, nutmeg

and then noodles.

stir it up.

stop here, if you're happy with normal mac n cheese gone awesome

or

if you'd like to continue

toss it in a baking pan

and then cover it with a coating of

breadcrums

bacon

parmesan

and 2tbs butter

and bake it up!

yum yum yum

yumyumyumyumyum

we ended up also making green beans

which i completely love

and wanted to use so that i could get in the habit of making well-balanced meals

and then took the entire shindig over to aaron's neighbors

where they made filet mignon and biscuits

and it was all very delicious.

ON ANOTHER NOTE

i recently ended my vegetarianism

and had about a month and half's worth of meat in my diet

and that too, again, is coming to an end.

i like being vegetarian

and i'm going back to it.

woohoo!

ON A SECOND NOTE

aaron and i end up being very good cooks in the kitchen

for the time being

because i know nothing about cooking

and he knows more stuff than i do about cooking

so we both read the recipe

and end up tag-teaming it till it gets in the oven.

also, i'm a stickler for dishes

so i wash the heck out of those

and we wind up

completing our task

with a pan of mac in the oven

and a strainer full

of happy, clean dishes.

huzzah!