Thursday, March 29, 2012

ain't no expiration date on luv

we're making a grocery list.

and eating ice cream.
mostly eating ice cream.

we do this sometimes.
come home from work around the same time.
sit down at the table.
eat something like ice cream that is delicious
and chat and goof off and laugh a lot and figure out what we're doing for the evening.

so we're sitting there
laughing like maniacs about something or nothing and everything
and aaron's making a grocery list.

because, actually, and this is a hilarious story
aaron sent me an email that says
"what are we doing friday night? jason's having a boys' night and i wanna go."

i laugh.

i respond,
"i'm working. go. scratch. grunt. have fun."

boys night.

so of course
aaron wants to make gourmet mac n cheese
the likes of which, actually, i'll post the recipe up here soon because i brought it to work to scan it in and get a solid pdf version of it. i mean, recipes from newspapers can only stay magnet-ed to a refrigerator for so long before they no longer work.

so aaron's taking gourmet mac n cheese to boys' night
(so adorable)
and so he's making a grocery list.

and we're eating ice cream.

i look down at my ugandan vanilla bean.
i look across at aaron's salty caramel.
i'd rather be eating the salty caramel
but i actually bought it for him
so i picked the vanilla bean pint out of the freezer for me.

le sigh.
"let's add chocolate sauce to the list,"
i say.

aaron looks up.
"i have some," he says, "in the fridge."

we look.
he does.
i grab it.
and then i pause.

"how long has this been in here?" i pose, suspiciously.
aaron has a penchant for not throwing away things that NEED TO BE THROWN AWAY.

aaron ignores the question.
"this stuff never expires," he says, "like capers." <--another previous conversation where i pull a jar of capers out of the fridge that expired two years ago.

i ignore him.
i look on the bottle.


2009?! 2009?!?!?!?!

AARON! This expired in SEPTEMBER of 2009!!

"this stuff never goes bad!" he says, and to prove his point, he pours a little on a spoon and gulps it.

i am apalled.
how COULD ANYONE have something sitting in their fridge FOR THREE YEARS that they've not bothered once to look at. how can you have a piece of ANYTHING sitting somewhere for three years AND NOT DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT?!

if i have crap that i don't use, that crap gets thrown away, re-purposed, re-organized, or goes into storage. i don't have crap sitting around that i don't need.

so this "exp 2009" thing is just so far beyond me that i'm dying laughing.

i look at aaron.
his eyes are twinkling.
i mean, he did just swallow a little spoonful of chemicals from 2009.

"what hospital should i take you to, before you pass out?" i ask him.

he laughs. pours himself a little more.
his lips turn down at the corner a wee bit.
"it's fine," he says.
"i'm not eating it," i say, "put chocolate syrup on the list."

we're at an impasse.
so aaron whips out the phone, and we call The Expert.
His mom, who is a pharmacist, a baker, a lady into all kinds of super cool things, and just awesome, in general.
She mirrors what Aaron says, "this stuff never expires," and he looks at me triumphantly.
We continue talking.
"Well, was it sitting out?" she asks. "There could be mold on the inside of the bottle. Things you can't see."

It wasn't sitting out, but the mold scares Aaron enough that he concedes.

"Okay we're both right," he says, and he's right, we are both right, although, technically, i'm totally completely more right because if someone would just get a bee out of his bonnet about having to be Right, then someone would realize that it's not a good idea to eat two eensy spoonfuls of three year old fake-chocolate flavored processed high fructose corn syrup.

we threw it away.
i bought some more.
the end.