I've recently found a revolution of my life.
"Grounded, where once I was a bushel of balloons."
Don't get me wrong. I've still got plenty bushel o' balloon in me.
Undoubtedly, though, I'm beginning the next cycle of my life in a grounded manner.
I'm establishing precedents for my future.
I'm practicing what it means to be the woman I am now.
In the three months (horray!) that I've been this new woman, certain truths have emerged.
1. Spending time on my body is a luxury. I've been kicking ass in yoga (thanks, leah!) for a month and a half now, and kicking ass in kickboxing (thanks, spontaneity!) for two weeks now. Thanks to Elizabeth, my eating habits have improved enormously, and thanks to therapy, my ability to choose and respond to events, decisions, emotions in my life have balanced out incredibly. I've lost fifteen pounds and two pant sizes, with my head on straight.
Also, with boxing, I want to lose FAT. I have these beautiful, strong muscles that need to be visible for some people to take me seriously. I'm playing with the idea of taking a 6:00 am yoga class (at least for a week, to see my responses,) in order to have my evenings free for boxing-related work-outs (running, jumping, core work.) Additionally, once rehearsals start up after Thanksgiving, I'm going to not actually have evenings. If I could get in the habit of taking morning yoga now, when it's a luxury, and not a necessity, it would make that transition of time much easier.
2. Making a paycheck is satisfying. If you're like me, dear reader, (and by "like me," i mean you have 75,000 dollars in student loans to repay,) you understand the importance of a budget. You understand the importance of living within your means. You understand the timeline you're now working on in order to facilitate an eventual move out of your city, and you understand how blessed you are to be free. I have no husband. I have no children. By putting 85% of my paycheck every week into a separate account, I am able to pay my bills. The other 15% goes directly to groceries, gas, and if I'm lucky, a new pair of shoes. But you know what feels great? Taking care of myself. That feels great.
3. Style is important. If you've ever suddenly worked your way down two pant sizes in three months (which is surprisingly healthy, for my life,) you've suddenly been faced with the fact that you're wearing a closetful of elephantine-sized clothes. It happens. This doesn't work, for me. I lost HUGE amounts of clothes and shoes when I left my last relationship. Now, I'm rebuilding. Setting precedents. Dressing for the job I want to have some day, dressing, most satisfyingly, for my figure, now. I had to buy a new pair of pants this past week (an idea I'm always opposed to incredibly,) but found it actually quite pleasing (despite the price tag.)
and then? I found the most amazing pair of shoes. Grown-up shoes. excellent leather. my perfect styling. on sale. black, short, suede sam edelman cowboys.
(i searched ALL OVER THE INTERNET for a photo and didn't
even come close to finding one.)
those babies are mine.
i'm walking around being the woman i aspire to be. it's all in the shoes, this capability, this confidence, this ability to make smart decisions. i'm practicing, and practice feels nice. :)