1. he was drunk,
2. and he apparently loved waffles.
the two things i knew about him immediately.
he was also well-dressed.
solid brown leather shoes
well fitting jeans
tucked in checked shirt
and nice hair.
a nice smile.
i was in the middle of eight thousand things
he slurred a little bit on the "t" sound.
apparently his tongue wasn't working.
i paused, looked up.
he was looking so right at me.
"i'm sorry---where have we met?"
"here," he said, "i was in the other day. don't worry though, i know you meet a lot of people."
he wanted a waffle, plain, and he wanted me to get it for him.
like i said, i was in the middle of eight thousand things.
he kept talking to me.
what do you do? how old are you? when did you graduate?
i'm an actress, i told him,
and his immediate response, 'OH i HATE actresses."
i looked up immediately.
"What do YOU do?" i asked politely.
"i'm a POLITICIAN!" he boasted proudly.
"well, whaddaya know--we have something in common: i HATE politicians."
(which is actually true.)
OH! actresses! he said: I bet you get a lot of free stuff here, you're good at lying.
i was obviously offended.
WRONG, i told him. ACTING IS ABOUT OPENING YOUR HEART, BEING SO HONEST IT MAKES YOU MOVE.
"you sound like an actress, " he said,
and then the conversation looped around into the famous actors he knows
and then he said something about a couple of tv shows he likes
and then he talked more about waffles
and finally, out of nowhere, his reason for even being here:
"Do you wanna get a drunk after this?" he gestured around the bistro. He countered "--i'msorry, thatwasjustballsy, wasn't it" he slurred.
this guy was wasting my time.
"No, " i said.
"No," i repeated, "I never accept offers from anyone while i"m at work. My job here is to make sure you have a good time--how can i take you seriously in this situation?" (a good rule of thumb, and a fantastic excuse to turn people down without retaliation :: a reason people respect ::)
"okay," he says, and he pulls out his card, resilient. "Well, if you find yourself under a different situation wanting to go get a drink with me, then you can call me."
i sighed, still trying to get three split checks to my table on the patio and make two desserts all at the same time.
"fine," i said, and then i lit up a little bit, "you write three good reasons why i should give you a call and get a drink on the back of this card, and maybe i'll think about it."
i mean, i'm a reasonable girl. if he changes my mind, cool.
and then i walked away.
he began writing furiously, paid for his waffles, and triumphantly walked out the door.
i looked at the card.
reason 1: "i don't really hate actresses."
reason 2: "vetted by voters"
reason 3: "can talk with mouth full of waffle"
i laughed, took the card to the bartender and told him the story.
"you're not going to call him, are you?" he grinned.
"and tell him what?" i said. "that i have a fantastic boyfriend that i absolutely love? besides his reasons suck."
and they do.
i gave him a fair shot
for a drink
an interesting dinner
and he blew it.
i would pay for my own
i would tell him i have a boyfriend
i would be completely honest, of course.
i'm a busy lady
and my time is valuable.
three reasons is not too much to ask. :D